Millions of Americans provide unpaid care to a loved one each year – almost 30% of the population at any given time. (Source). Despite how common it is, the role isn’t an easy one. It takes both a physical and mental toll on the care provider (hereafter, “caregiver”) because of how many added responsibilities fall on your shoulders.
To help set the scene for anyone not currently living through it – the average family caregiver provides care to a loved one 24 hours a week. That care, even if it starts as a temporary arrangement, can extend for years. And that’s just the average, some caregivers carry a load that far exceeds this, often sneaking up on them with an added responsibility here and there, stacking to a workload that’s no longer manageable. It’s no surprise then, that family caregivers often hit burnout before they realize they should even take a break.
In this article, we’ll point out the signs to look for – how to know when you just can’t do it anymore. Let’s dive in.
Signs it’s Time to Stop Caregiving
As we touched on, many family caregivers become caregivers under the impression that it’s a temporary gap to fill. Over time, responsibilities may have started to pile up, or the care time may have extended, for example, causing the role to take on a life of its own.
Take a Moment to Reflect
Taking a moment to reflect is always a good thing. If you’re just starting to feel tired or overwhelmed by your responsibilities, it’s a great time to consider these strategies:
- Setting boundaries with your family, friends, and the loved one in your care to take back some control over your circumstances
- Delegating responsibilities to other friends and family members. If you’re handling more than your fair share and/or more than what’s manageable with other obligations, it may be time to consider better communication with and delegation to your family.
- Respite care options. There are a lot of respite care options in California that can take some of the burden/responsibilities off your shoulders.
Signs Your Needs Are Beyond a Quick Fix
Sometimes delegation, a bit of respite, and new boundaries aren’t enough. There are two major scenarios to consider: when care has taken a toll on you (your physical and mental health) and when care has gone beyond your capacity to handle it. Let’s touch on both, next.
When reviewing your physical and mental health, some feelings to look for:
- Anger
- Resentment
- Irritability/frustration disproportionate to the cause
- Avoiding your loved one
- Physical fatigue
- Restlessness
- Worsening health (new or worsening chronic conditions, added/more frequent illness, etc.)
- Feeling like the end will never come (hopelessness)
- Feeling trapped by your situation
- A pervasive sense that your life revolves around care
When trying to come to terms with the level of care your loved one needs vs. the care you’re able to provide, consider things like:
- Your level of discomfort on a daily basis (tasks like bathing, round-the-clock care needs, administering injections, etc. are common examples of high discomfort tasks).
- How much time you have available vs. how much time is needed to provide adequate care
- Your loved one’s independence capabilities
- Emergency situations and how safe you feel with where they are/processes in place in the event of an emergency when you aren’t around
- Etc.
If any of these situations resonate with you, depending on the severity, it may be time to consider taking a break or letting go of caregiving altogether.
How to Stop Caregiving
If you know intrinsically that it’s time to stop caregiving, understand that it’s ok to step away. It’s perfectly normal and healthy to accept that you may no longer be the right fit for the position. For both your health and your loved one’s, it’s a compassionate realization and worth taking action. Here’s how to approach it.
- Admit it to yourself. Being honest with yourself is the most important step.
- Delegate. Recognize you can be a good, loving, and supportive member of your family without being the primary caregiver. The most important thing is that your loved one’s needs are met. Who meets them is less consequential.
- Communicate. Let your loved one know how you’re feeling (without making them feel guilty for everything you’ve done so far to the best of your ability). To do that, keep it factual, not emotional – say something like, “Your needs have shifted beyond what I can handle/I can no longer keep up because of X.”
- Find a Replacement Solution. This may be a care facility, live-in care, or other family members. Whatever it is, make sure it fits their needs and stay abreast, if possible, of how they’re feeling post-change.
Closing Thoughts: How to Know When It’s Time to Stop Caregiving
Providing care is not for everyone, especially once the needs grow or the time extends beyond what you originally agreed to. If you feel it’s time to step back or step away entirely, it’s ok to acknowledge that and take the necessary steps to make it possible.
The California Caregiver Resource Center is a 501c(3) nonprofit network of 11 Centers covering the entire state of California here to help connect you with medical resources and support in this journey. To get more information about the resources we have available to you as a California caregiver, contact us at the California Caregiver Resource Center nearest to you or join CareNav for free today.
Further Reading: How to Support Independent Living: Keeping Your Loved One Safe and in Their Home
As a family caregiver in California, you know that supporting your loved ones at home is a growing challenge. You are essential in helping them stay independent. In this guide to independent living, we’ll show you how to safely support your loved one(s) in their independent living goals. Click here to read all about it.
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