Caring for a Loved One with Chronic Pain: Tips and Techniques

What is Chronic Pain?

The first aspect of caring for a loved one with chronic pain is to know exactly what chronic pain is and what it can feel like from their perspective. But the definition of chronic pain is vague, because the truth is, “chronic pain lasts months or years and can affect any part of your body.”  (Source: Cleveland Clinic). One of its only defining characteristics is that it’s pain that interferes with your life in some way.

That’s why, as a caregiver, it is important to realize that chronic pain can affect almost every aspect of someone’s life – and it’s not always easy to suss out. So in this article, we will break down some tips and tricks to help you provide the best care possible for someone with chronic pain, no matter what it looks like. Let’s dive in.

Tips and Techniques 

Caring for a loved one with chronic pain has a long list of challenges. Pain can easily affect their mood, cognitive abilities, mobility, and a lot more. Here are some of our tips to help you as you care for them:

Be Compassionate

The first way to help a loved one in chronic pain is to be compassionate to their situation. 

The hard truth of the matter is that there is no way as a caregiver to truly understand the level of pain your loved one is experiencing or how that pain is affecting other areas of their life. So the best tip is just to be compassionate to their situation. Try to avoid the following:

• Questioning their pain or its severity
• Making assumptions about the level of pain they’re experiencing
• Overcompensating for the pain by taking over tasks they could easily do for themselves, for example
• Questioning the duration of their pain (it will continue longer than acute pain)

The best thing you can do is to make it clear you understand they are struggling/are in pain and that you are trying to do what you can to help them.

Listen 

There are a few ways you can make it clear you’re listening.

• Literal listening. Like being compassionate, a great way to help care for someone with chronic pain is to simply listen to them when they talk about it. Give them a safe space to vent. If they want to complain or gripe about a situation, sometimes just having someone there to hear their frustrations can help. 

• Honoring boundaries and listening to physical limitations. Make sure you also listen to the physical boundaries they set. Pushing your loved one to do something that they physically or mentally don’t feel up to can cause frustration and resentment. Listening is a great way to show your loved one you are doing your best to understand their situation and you hear what they are trying to say.

• Listening beyond what’s verbalized. Finally, it’s also important to listen to what they’re not saying. Pay attention to your loved one’s moods, body language, facial cues (like wincing and other signs of discomfort), or moans and groans. With that attention to detail, you will be able to learn a lot and fill in the blanks of what they need even if they aren’t verbalizing it. 

Learn Their Pain Scale

When caring for a loved one it’s important to know their pain scale. Actively ask them to describe the pain, when the pain is worse or better, and how severe the pain gets depending on the task. 

Knowing your loved one’s pain scale will help you know more instinctually when more medicine may be needed, how long of an activity they can participate in, or when it’s time to seek medical attention. 

By having a set scale that you both understand and communicating frequently to establish pain patterns, it will be easier for both of you to complete day-to-day tasks. 

Include Them

No one ever wants to feel left out. 

Those with new or worsening chronic pain will find over time that they can’t partake in many of the activities they used to. This can cause them to feel more left out and depressed than ever before. So it’s important to make sure you’re including them in daily activities. 

For example, if someone loves to cook but no longer can stand for that long, or struggle to lift heavy pots/pans, have them sit in the kitchen with you as you prepare meals. You can give them small tasks, like mixing, slicing, or taste-testing so they still feel like they are contributing and part of the kitchen conversation. Or, as another example, instead of an after-dinner walk maybe take a short after-dinner car ride allowing them to get out of the house and get fresh air. 

There are many ways to help your loved one with chronic pain feel involved and appreciated, no matter the situation. 

Know Their Limits

As a caregiver, honing your situational awareness skills is key when caring for someone with chronic pain. The one you are caring for may insist they are capable of new or complex tasks, but knowing their limits can help keep them out of a tough situation. 

As a caregiver, you will want to (and should!) push them to be as active and live as normal of a life as possible, but knowing when it’s time to stop is a skill that’s just as important to cultivate. 

Encourage New Activities

As mentioned previously, chronic pain can take away many of the activities your loved one used to enjoy. If there’s no way to work around or through it on a particular activity, try not to let them dwell on the past. Instead, you should encourage, suggest, or help them find new hobbies that add joy to their new way of life. 

Create Daily (Assisted) Habits

People with chronic pain may need more assistance with basic tasks, and it can be hard for them to accept that. 

Instead of waiting for the person you are caring for to ask you for help, sometimes a task schedule can ease tension. 

For example, if the person you are caring for needs help to shower, set a time that they will shower each morning and make it a routine for both of you. This can help to normalize the experience without the emotional burden of having to ask.

Without it, they may hesitate if they feel like they are taking you away from something else, becoming a burden, or feel like they need to ask every time they need something. A schedule that takes the guesswork out of it and makes it a reliable thing for both of you can make all the difference.

Closing Thoughts: Caring for a Loved One with Chronic Pain: Tips and Techniques

Caring for a loved one with chronic pain is largely about trial, error, and learning in the beginning. No two people will experience chronic pain the same way, which is why the ebb and flow is the best way to make a plan that works for you and your loved one.

The California Caregiver Resource Center is a 501c(3) nonprofit network of 11 Centers covering the entire state of California here to help connect you with medical resources and support in this journey. To get more information about the resources we have available to you as a California caregiver, contact us at the California Caregiver Resource Center nearest to you or join CareNav for free today. 

Further Reading: How to Support Independent Living: Keeping Your Loved One Safe and in Their Home

As a family caregiver in California, you know that supporting your loved ones at home is a growing challenge. You are essential in helping them stay independent. In this guide to independent living, we’ll show you how to safely support your loved one(s) in their independent living goals. Click here to read all about it.